He married 27 wives. All at once. He could because he was Fela Kuti.
I've had debates with other hardcore feminists about Fela's marital affairs. I'm a feminist myself but I'd really like to engage in this topic and I hope you will share your honest opinions with me:
( I hope this time it does not end up in an almost cat fight!)
1. Did the concept of feminism exist before colonisation? Is the existence of feminism not part of Africa's westernisation and the neglect of our cultural identity which is one of the worst effects of colonialism?
2.If a woman chooses to be in a polygamous relationship, is it fair really to say they are being oppressed? Especially if practised in the indigenous way that fully honours and respects culture (unlike a certain president who's name I will mention).
3. Why do we always assume that polygamous relationships cannot be made of happy, healthy and fulfilled clusters of nuclear families?
Please share your thoughts with me.
I do think that we are too quick to judge women in polygamous relationships. We see them as idiots and victims of abusive relationships.
ReplyDeleteWe're different people and certain things work differently for us.
A lot of it also has to do with how we grew up. Look at Mormons, a lot of those young women living in those closed communities are happy to grow up and share their husbands with 10 other women, just like their mums did. Cause that's how they understand love and family. The concept of monogamy is foreign to them. However, on the flip side there could be a lot of them that do it cause they have to, that's how its done and not because they want to. And that's not cool. But we should not assume that, that's everyones story.
But closer to home, look at Mbongeni Ngema, he's marrying 4 women this year. Those women are educated, independant people. They choose polygamy and I don't believe that that choice makes the less intelligent or less feminist.
The idea of feminism for me has always meant the ability to choose. If a woman chooses to be a housewife, we self proclaimed feminists shouldn't throw our bra's at her and claim she's killing our struggle. Its her choice, as long she's not being forced to live a certain kind of life just because she's a woman... then its fine...lets not judge her.
However, that's not a choice I would make and I know Polygamy wouldn't work for me either...maybe if Fela was still alive I would re-consider cause as you said - he was Fela!
"Cause that's how they understand love and family". You could not have said it better. See, you're absolutely right Bongi. The thing is: as human folk we always are quick to judge things we do not understand or relate to forgetting that our perception differs from person to the other. I read this article a while back (cannot for the life of me remember where)about a modern, successful, smart and educated sister who is in a polygamous marriage. She had never in a million years thought she would end up in one but that's where she found her happiness and till this day has the problem of the next person saying "you deserve better".
ReplyDeleteWe just need to accept our differences.